It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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