So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
