I think I am morally bankrupt
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to cum in my sink.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
