OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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