no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
