shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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