Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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