I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
