is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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