So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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