I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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