gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize