I'm gonna have a badass scar
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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