Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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