Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
