i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize