What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
