Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
