"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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