The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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