I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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