It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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