your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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