Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you would pick up someone in the library
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
