Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
