oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
