talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
