where am i from again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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