i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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