operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
