goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
