The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
