I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
