he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
