I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
