Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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