He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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