I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
