I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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