oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
