You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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