standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
