my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
