the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
