omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
