i barfeds in our rink
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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