i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
be right there i have to get my cape
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
