The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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