I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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