like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
