end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
