I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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