also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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