Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
