I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
