I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
