and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
birth control should be required to get into college
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
