I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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