That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
