don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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