My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
