I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this just has baby written all over it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
