do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
