my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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