yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
