Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I could fuck to npr.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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