i was born a porn star she said
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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