You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize