Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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