mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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