how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Randomize
