Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
