I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
