Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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