I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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