I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
