I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
