I didn't shave. On purpose
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Say something about gay babies.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
