I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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