Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
